I was sitting here with Chelle pointing out that dA people only seem to like pictures of naked women, cats or fangirl manga - so I thought I'd test the theory, and uploaded a photo of Hesi's cat that I took ages ago, drunk and not knowing what I was doing.

Within 30 seconds of it being up, a favourite! The photo has about as much artistic merit as Gordon Brown does as prime minister yet its appreciated more, whereas a photo I personally consider to be more artistic gets nothing!

In conclusion, the key to dA fame = girls, cats and manga.

Everyone check out my girlfriend - , and photographers... ask her to work with you!

Funeral:
Well I just got back from my aunt Janet's funeral, and I must say I don't want to plan on going to many more. Seeing her husband, Michael, in the state he was in was heartbreaking and I have never seen my dad in such a state either. Sue (Janet's daughter) broke down so many times... even I had a hard time keeping it together.

Family:
Thankfully we all went to Michael's house after and had family-time and we all cheered up. The kids were running around playing (obviously unable to comprehend the concept of death) and everyone was commenting on how I've turned out etc, obviously bringing up the embarrasing stories :anger: that I'd tried to avoid all day... Cousin Julie was there - surprisingly as no one thought she would be! She's a strong person, her husband had recently left her for a younger girl (bastard) and there she was, two noisy kids and talking about Radiohead with me and my brother!

Fate:
Its not a nice thing to be sitting in the living room with your dad and his sister when she says "John get yourself checked for bowel cancer, your dad died from it, his dad died from it, and now Janet..." And then you get told you look like your dad! So there we have it, my possible fate passed on from my dad. I wanted to live to 100 but I might never see 80, and I'm nearly 20, that's 1/4 of my life gone.

I need to make something of myself...

Everyone check out my girlfriend - , and photographers... ask her to work with you!

Frequently I keep finding Deviations that I find are awesome, only to find the artist's comments about it are simply "..."

What's the point?! You've made a great piece, now tell us about it rather than being a stuck up prick too lazy to write something like "this was done when I..." or "I'm proud of this because..." or "I wanted this to show..." or even "I LOVE PANCAKES!!!" would suffice.

*end rant*

I picked up a pencil yesterday and actually drew something! I'm quite proud of it too, might make it into a proper thing and whack it up here on dA. The strange thing is it turned out quite manga-ish, and I've never drawn manga before. In fact, I've not drawn anything since I failed art AS 3 years ago when I thought I'd put so much good work in, and since the examiner didn't like my style, I got failed. So much for "express yourself and you'll pass".

Anyway, going to a gig over in Newcastle today with the camera, should be good!

Everyone check out my girlfriend - , and photographers... ask her to work with you!

...see it could be you, tomorrow or next year.

My aunt died this morning, I only found out today that she'd been diagnosed with cancer about 3 months ago - which pissed me off because no one had told me! And then later I got told that she'd died! Its like a double whammy of "damnit!"

Janet was great, but I really regret her not seeing the adult me. Last time she saw me I was, what, 14? 15? I really can't remember, but I was still a child really. I wish I'd had a moment to see her in the past few years, I really do. But dwelling on that will make me upset, Janet wouldn't want that - such a lively person she was

Moving on, I've got a few projects photography-wise that I want to plan. I'm quite frustrated at myself, I really want to be an artistic photographer, and sell prints and all that, make a name for myself, you know? But obviously that won't come overnight, so I'm going to work hard for it - just you see

The mood thing is being gay still. Mood = not joy.

Everyone check out my girlfriend - , and photographers... ask her to work with you!

Everyone check out my girlfriend - , and photographers... ask her to work with you!

My subscription FINALLY went through! Christ PayPal is slow...

but it seems dA only think I'm subscribed for 3 months when I paid for a full year. Smooth.

that new video for angels and airwaves new song "breathe" is great, well, the song is great and video is just interesting in a way. go watch.

been doing some "financial planning" of sorts, and by the end of summer i'm aiming to have about £1500 to my name from work and other things etc. might sell a few things on ebay too. so i'm going to cut back on stupid expenses such as going out (unless its local), random things i just seem to buy without thinking etc. and this money's going to go on a new computer and a new camera pentax k20d i hope - if i have enough. if not, the pentax k200d! well, that's if i set £700 aside for new PC that gives me £800 for other stuff...

this is all speculative, so i guess the reality of it is that i'll end up with much less than that. mm pessimism.

i'm thirsty.

the "mood" thing doesn't like firefox 3.

my camera has 15 dead pixels, i am actually really quite heartbroken at this
i was out shooting tonight, came back and the photos are horrible - these dead pixels (although they can be edited out) have shown up on every single photo. i used to only have the 1 dead pixel, but 15?? what the hell? i'm already getting a new PC, and this is just going to accellerate needing a camera upgrade...

seems like when i get one lucky break something else decides to fuck up *goes emo*

deviantart isn't loading the mood thing. let me tell you its FAR from joy.

well i just got a call to come to sunderland to photograph my childhood friend matty dundas' band, so i'm pretty excited about that, first REAL gig venue (independent) that i've worked at, so the results should be interesting!

i am also holding a cheque for £500
i am happy.

also, starblind are getting going again next week - exams are over for the young 'uns and we have to get jack up to speed on things before we get gigging / recording in august.

about the recording, the EP is well underway with writing - 2 songs completed, and i just did demos of 2 others which got approval from pow so things are looking good - 4 songs in total, and more on the way.

had an impromtu photoshoot down the park today with kate and my beautiful girlfriend chelle (~NoirValentie and ~Miss-Loraine) using kate's new nikon camera, some shots of them in the wildflowers much like the one i have featured on the page, but they're on her camera, so i'll get them later when i get home from the gig or tomorrow. also, some photos of the swans eating from our hands, that was really cool - swans bite a few times before getting the bread... and a duck also ate from my hand! that was really great, they're normally so scared but this one was brave enough to come right up to me and eat from my hand, it didn't bite like the swans did... so i liked him

so things are looking good right now, i have some money for a new computer (music and photo production beast coming my way!)

also got some ideas for shoots in the future, but they're quite ambitious so will need some planning!

My brother's new monitor arrived today - and since he's in London I get to test it out for him. Damn he's rich, £400 on this thing. Its a beauty I have to say, everything's so crisp and clear on it, I just looked through all my photos and thought "wow, they look great!" (not in an egotistical way, but because this monitor just... owns).

Its pretty big at 24 inches, I'm looking at getting the 20 inch one, its half the price for a bit less size!

But anyway, the insurance company has decided to pay me afterall - but that was 2 weeks ago, and I've heard nothing since, so buying a new PC seems to be just a dream yet again. Its really frustrating, everyone around me seems to be just getting new things whenever they click their fingers, their parents just go out and get them nice things etc. Everyone's so spoilt, and yes, I'm a bit jealous!

Here I am, working in Subway at £4.60 an hour (pittance!) and there's people who go to school and do whatever they usually do at school and get £30 a week simply because the government allows it to those families below a certain income. Where does this money go? Not school supplies as the government intend, but after just 10 weeks (that's a term and a bit) these kids go and get a PS3 or a new guitar or something. They get Christmas bonuses as well, of up to £100! What the fuck? Sorry, yes, if you're in a poor family and actually use the money for school stuff, then its fine, I have no problem with that. But the people who have cheated the system (person I went to school with had retired parents, rich enough to retire early, so he went and signed up to EMA. Knob.) or people who use it for their own personal gain, pisses me off.

Sorry about that rant. I'm in a ranting mood.

Then there's me, student loan doesn't give me any maintenance grant because of my parental income. Other people at uni... £900 maintenance grant! What do they do? Maintain themselves with a nice new PC or laptop, some high quality speakers and enjoy life.

It seems to me, that my life is going to be more of a hard-graft than others, which I will be grateful for in the long run, as I'll be ready to work for a living, and I'll be ready to accept less and appreciate things - but just for once, can someone give me a break? Give me something nice? Either that or give Chelle something nice? Her family are going through such hard times at the minute, and she's working her ass off at a job to get by, whereas other people her age just sit back, click their fingers and let mum and dad do the work - or the government.

...
How the hell did this rant come from just testing my brother's monitor?
Oh, yeah, he has a kickass job - that's how he can afford it!



I hate the United Kingdom... I can't wait to move to Germany or Iceland..

been working at subway for about 2 weeks now, and its alright - its money at the end of the day isn't it?

but then again, its mind-numbingly repetitive. make sandwich x30000 every day, clean endless plastic trays, sweep floor, wipe surfaces. job satisfaction?

after getting to know the staff there its weird, some have been there for 2 years, some for nearly a year and so on. now i've only got it for a summer job until i go back to leeds, but the other staff? they aren't in uni, they aren't at college, most have a young child... and its made me realise how little ambition people in this world have, to be content with making sandwiches for a living. what the hell? i'm going mental after just two weeks, when i go back to uni in september i'll probably have killed a few people...

i guess working there has made me realise how much ambition i actually have...



[edited bit...]

The Rules:
1. Post these rules
2. Each person must post 8 random (hopefully interesting) facts about themselves
3. Tags should write a journal of these facts
4. At the end of this post 8 more deviants are tagged and named
5. Go to their page and leave a comment telling them they're tagged


1. I'm going grey and I'm only 19!
2. I believe in certain conspiracy theories such as the one about Cydonia on Mars, HAARP etc.
3. I stroked a hedgehog last night just to see how spiny they are. Conclusion: very.
4. I'm a hypochondriac, I constantly think I've got cancer or something deadly.
5. I don't like phone calls because they mean I have to turn music off and can't do anything else.
6. I strongly believe that the human race is headed for a mass extinction, and only a handful will survive to repopulate another generation. Global warming is going to mean the equatorial regions become inhospitable and only those nearer the poles in temperate climates will survive.
7. I also think that biofuels are far from a solution to global warming, in fact they go the wrong way by destroying MORE rainforest for crops. And there will be wars over biofuels when oil runs out.
8. I completely despise modern society.


I tag:
*Niansa

since kate's tagged everyone else already! haha

i'm finally happy with the way my gallery is shaping up, i feel more comfortable that my work is getting better, and the positive feedback on the wildflowers deviation made me happy

so happy that i decided to treat myself to a subscription and a prints subscription... just got to wait for paypal to clear!

chris gets none of it, people decided.

*feels sorry for himself*

I'm pretty much hooked on Danny Boyle's "Sunshine" at the minute, its an amazing film - 2001: Space Oddysey for the new generation. The music in it is amazing as well, so amazing infact that I learnt the chords to "Surface of the Sun" (the music playing in the epic scene where Capa jumps from Icarus II through space to the massive bomb to kill himself and re-ignite the sun) and made an arrangement for Starblind (www.myspace.com/starblindmusic) to play at a gig.

Anyway, enough about the amazing film!

On with writing this blog-that-no-one-actually-reads...

I have a job, down at Subway. Yes, I know, I've given into American Franchises like I've always said I wouldn't, but I need the money.

Speaking of money, insurance company is giving me a nice £500 for that crash a few weeks back, planning on saving that all summer and, alongside earnings from work, buying a PS3 and HDTV... y'know, treat myself to something. I don't know how everyone else seems to have so much money, loads of people around here don't have jobs but seem to get flashy new things 24/7.

And university is full of rich people, who just seem to stock up on loads of amazing gadgets etc at no real expense to themselves... where do they get the money from? :S

anyway I'm digressing.

I'm planning a big photoshoot with some photographer friends and models, its gonna involve a camp-out because I want to do some light paintings at sunrise, which will be pretty cool if it works out! But then again, my Pentax can only open the shutter for 30 seconds... I'd much prefer something like 5 minutes for a light painting! But we'll see what comes out from it...

[link]

watch and be in awe!

in 4 hours I will have finished uni for the summer! 5 months of ... getting a job... haha.

well anyway, just an update here I guess, I was in a 6 car pileup last week, that was amusing... my poor mum who was driving broke down for the first time ever in her life, I think that was the most distressing part about it... sitting in the middle lane with traffic going past with my mum sitting there in total distress but I looked after her, got the details of the other cars, and my good friend Phil came all the way from Newcastle to pick us up.

the car's a write-off, even though the damage doesn't look THAT bad in pictures, but mehh, I'll get some photos up in my scraps soon I guess. the courtesy car we have is kickass though - its a brand new ford focus with only 1000 miles on it and air conditioning! okay, so air-con is nothing new but I've never had a car with air-con (except in malaysia, but I can't remember that far back in life...)

I suppose its an achievement to make it onto regional news and teletext...

... MY HAIR. IS. TURNING. GREY.

WHAT THE FUCK?!

Chelle found a single grey hair last year, thought nothing of it. the other night she goes "oh my god, there's loads!" and - EVEN THOUGH I HAVE DYED HAIR - these bastards are growing fast! the tips of them have a few MM of dark brown on the rest is pure white!

and THEN i find out that its GENETIC ON MY DAD'S SIDE OF THE FUCKING FAMILY!! only it skipped a generation with him! my aunt was grey when she was 18! WHAT!



oh well, it makes me look more interesting i suppose, and it can be dyed - at least i'm not going bald (touch wood) - and it grows fast so i can change styles a lot haha

...

i am so low on money i actually had a little celebration when i found i had a carton of juice!

from searching my floor for loose change i have found £1.50 which is to get me into leeds on thursday so i can go home!

*searches more*

everyone go and welcome my beautiful girlfriend to deviantart



and photographers... offer her work!!!

my deviantart subscription!

shame i don't have the money to get one, damn being a poor student.

i need a summer job, there's so many things i need to get to make my life just that extra bit more comfortable...

hum

over 11,000 page views! its only taken FOUR years!!! sheesh, some people who've been here less than a year have 50x that. i really am talentless... haha
nah, i just never put anything of real importance up here until now.

its 3:30am. i'm off to bed.

night!



SUPERGRASS GIG TONIGHT!!!!


11,011 Pageviews

hehe, palendromes.

if i only could make a deal with god...


its 3:07am. i'm wide awake. i have to go back to leeds tomorrow. michelle's asleep in bed. i have a house to tidy before leaving.

and i'm frustrated.

i want to be a somebody, and i'm sick of sitting around! i'm nearly 20 (fucking hell) and i feel like i have achieved nothing with my life so far, apart from getting a steady relationship.

those who know me will know that music is what i want to do forever and into the afterlife, i was out with my friends in destroy the map (www.myspace.com/destroythemap) today taking photos and the way they're going on... they make me sick! haha, they're high up in a festival lineup, they've got plenty of gigs, they have plenty of songs... they're motivated... they're willing and their frontman who's only 16 has the maturity of a 40 year old.

they're such great people, willing to help starblind (my band) out. we have a kind of partnership with them, we're all great friends and do loads together.

but its got me wanting to take things with starblind up there and to the stars, like i already wanted, but ... more so now. we have one mediocre demo song recorded on the myspace. we got rejected for the same festival as DtM, we have no gigs upcoming...

i sent an "ultimatum" to pow, telling him what we're going to do and what we're going to achieve, and that i'm not taking any shit anymore... i want this to go far. i've told him i'm gonna work him to the bone on singing 'cause that's our weakpoint. we're going to sort hesi out because dedication to this is what's going to take it further, and he lacks that.

i'm sick of sitting around being a nobody!!!!!!

..... raaawr.... haha